Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April
2004 March
My Links
Abbiedarling's Blog
Assalicious's Blog
Austennight's Blog
brogonzo's blog
Brorizzo's Blog
Deviant1's blog
DMK's Blog
Elmo's Blog
Frunobuland
Gbruno's blog
Gonzo.ID's blog
Hungry Hyaena
Johnny Ruin's Blog
Krazedone's Blog
Kumedigity's Blog
Kurtmaddox's Blog
Librariananguish's Blog
Misha's Blog
Rinna
Verucassalty
Vitriolic MOnkey
Yadig's Blog
Ain't It Cool News
Ape Child
Attu Ses All
Aurgasm
BlestEnation
Boom Selection
The Bootleg Archive
Coast to Coast AM
Confessions Of A Monkey
cocaine blunts
db-db
Defamer.com
The Disclosure Project
Ebaum's World
Eccentric Cinema
everlasting Blort
Exploding Cigar
Fark
Fezgod
Geisha's Blog
Get your war on
Go Fug Yourself
Google newsmap
db-db
gorilla mask
Japan Hero
Japander.com
John Titor
Kaiju Blog
Kontraband.com
Kid Robot
Knob Tweakers
Kung Foo
Link Filter
Lord Vader's blog
Miguel.com
Mister Pants
Maddox
Meta Filter
Milk And Cookies
The moldy Peaches
Monkey Day News
More Cowbell
Newstoday
octopus dropkick
The Onion
Paranormal News
The Phat Phree
Presurfer
Reality Carnival
Retrocrush
Retro Randy
Ritilan.com
Snaps Blog
Stomp Tokyo
Sacred Text archive
scissorkick
So many shrimp
SETI
Soul-sides
Stereo Gum
Spiky Thing
Tacky Times
thisismycomputerblog
Tofu Hut
transbuddha
Turban head
Waxy.org
Wacky things from Japan
vice
we make money not art
Whitely Strieber's Unknown Country
Wonderland
Zfilter
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
Daily Tip:
|
| Picture of the day |
| 09.30.04 (6:08 pm) [edit] |
Look at those perfectly awesome glasses on Ernest Borgnine. Look at how Drunk Jan Michael Vincent is. Look at eye patch guy. Airwolf was the best. the show was genius: People would talk about things related to Airwolf and the 80's, Ernest Borgnine would make faces and stand there being awesome, Jan Michael Vincent would be drunk, you'd see some guys from the middle east, then 80's synth rock would come in, and then Airwolf would go blow up Alqaeda training camps for the last 15 minutes. It really doesnt get much better.
|
|
|
| |
| Special today -- no ice cream. |
| 09.30.04 (4:22 pm) [edit] |
Found this list of foreign signs, good for a few laughs..English when misused causes great hillarity.
[b]Foreign Signs:[/b]
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop:
Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.29.04 (10:58 pm) [edit] |
I clicked on this picture because I thought it was Andre The Giant hugging a robot. It's actually a cake. Andre the Giant was 7 feet tall and weighed 500 pounds. That must be a pretty big cake. I bet he ate the whole thing after drinking 78 beers..
|
|
|
| |
| New York Street Art |
| 09.29.04 (10:31 pm) [edit] |
A cool gallery of stuff by several New York street artists. New York is great for the hidden gems like these.. like art you might pass by and not notice..I love that about this city. I've seen some of these strolling around New York. Its nice to see someone documenting these....(thanks to Lodi for this one) http://www.newyorkmetro.com/a...
|
|
|
| |
| Picture of the day |
| 09.28.04 (12:03 pm) [edit] |
Telly For President!
|
|
|
| |
| Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants. |
| 09.27.04 (3:42 pm) [edit] |
(Thanks to Chi and Gabe for this)
[b]List Of Actual Subtitles Used In Films Made In Hongkong[/b]
I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Damn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken!
Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
You daring lousy guy.
Beat him out of recognizable shape!
I have been scared shitless too much lately.
I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
How can you use my intestines as a gift?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.
|
|
|
| |
| Picture of the day |
| 09.27.04 (9:03 am) [edit] |
Look at that form...you can see why he became president. What determination!
|
|
|
| |
| Air Guitar Championships! |
| 09.27.04 (8:58 am) [edit] |
Yes. there is an contest for best air guitar. And the pros are really intense! Air Guitar is wicked 80's, and I think its radical that there is actually a competition for Air guitar in 2004. Check this site out, and watch the girl who won on Conan! she fucking rocks out.....(thanks to Gabe for sending me this one) http://www.airguitarusa.com/h...
|
|
|
| |
| Miami Sound Machine |
| 09.26.04 (8:31 pm) [edit] |
|
When I was a kid I used to think that the band the Miami Sound Machine was actually a giant machine in southern Florida somewhere that made music. I was so upset to see them on TV and realize there was no such machine, just a bunch of people playing stupid, totally unfuturistic instruments. I still think Gloria Estefan might be a robot. Who knows..
|
|
|
| |
| Picture of the day |
| 09.24.04 (9:01 am) [edit] |
This is what people in olden times thought a computer would look like in 2004.What would a steering wheel be used for in a computer? To drive on the information superhighway? Dumbasses.
|
|
|
| |
| Bad Guys Have 3 names |
| 09.23.04 (8:00 pm) [edit] |
I'll admit I'm a conspiracy fanatic. I can't get enough of them. If this was 1984, Big Brother would have vaporized my ass decades ago. Thought crime is a hobby of mine for sure.
So I was over my friends house tonight, and was reading an article in the NY Sun newspaper about this guy the Secret Service are investigating about potentially being a threat to President Bush.
The Headline caught my eye. it said: [b]"In the Lair of a Man Who May Be Hunting Bush". [/b](read the article here : http://www.nysun.com/article/...) After reading it, I don't think he is some Travis Bickle type, although he may have a few screws loose. The thing that got me was his name. Lawrence James Ward.
What the hell is the deal with all the bad guys having three names? I think it's written in some media handbook somewhere that when someone does something really really bad they need to have their middle names printed as well. I think its all pretty ridiculous. Remember when they caught that kid John Walker in Afghanistan fighting with the Taliban? The media had a boner for that kid. They started calling him "The American Taliban: John Walker" and within days they were calling him John Walker Lindh. Now not all people with three names are bad guys, but there are a few for sure:
John Wayne Gacy
L. Ron Hubbard (Sure, he didnt kill anyone, but he inspired "Battlefield Earth" which killed a few acting careers)
James Earl Ray
OSama Bin Laden
Billy Ray Cyrus (his music kills people)
John Wilkes Booth
Lee Harvey Oswald
Mark David Chapman
John Allen Muhammad & Lee Boyd Malvo (a double whammy!)
and the list goes on and on...
Really, besides James Earl Jones and a few other famous people, I can't think of too many cool guys with 3 names. I am going to be weary of anyone I meet with 3 names from now on. I think I'll just go by one name from now on, too play it safe. Anyway, thats my rant. I'm tired from thinking. good night..
|
|
|
| |
| Picture of the day |
| 09.23.04 (8:43 am) [edit] |
Imagine being able to drive around town while having all your friends over playing poker. All you'd need was a table, some friends, and a conference bike. But my friends don't dress like Euro Oompa Loompas like these guys, so it wouldnt be as funny looking.
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.22.04 (8:08 pm) [edit] |
Oh what a morning it is!
|
|
|
| |
| Turkish Star Wars!!! |
| 09.21.04 (9:58 pm) [edit] |
Ok. Let me say that anyone who gets their hands on this movie, I will pay you alot of money for it. It just might be the holy grail of bizarre cinema for me. I really need to see this. This is a Turkish "interpretation" of the movie Star Wars, and this is what it looks like:
Not only does it butcher the film in a wonderful and extremely foreign way, it actually [u]steals [/u]footage from the real Star Wars films! After reading the plot I think I broke my mind. So unbelievable.
It gets even better..
Not convinced? Here's a taste of the plot for you:
Darth Vader appears on a hill and blasts at Luke with lasers while he jumps from trampoline to trampoline in the center of a field of yellow smoke grenades. For two minutes, there is a cloud of zero visibility while randomly alternating sound clips from Flash Gordon are mixed with random sections of the Indiana Jones song. It’s amazing. When the smoke clears he’s tearing the giant red monsters in half at the waist, chopping their heads off and kicking his foot through their chests. There’s one part where he headlocks a mummy’s head off, throws it at another mummy and it explodes. Every single monster from earlier in the movie shows up to get torn into chunks, and the entire time his gloves are disappearing, reappearing and disappearing while he’s wearing a different shirt.
I can't even begin to explain this movie well, so here's a complete review of the film..enjoy: http://www.gazozagaci.com/fil...
[b]
9/27/04 UPDATE[/b]: I have found some clips of the movie..believe me, you want to see these:
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2645732" title="http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2645732" target="_blank"http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdet...
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.21.04 (9:36 pm) [edit] |
That Drathro sure is a lucky guy. Not only does L3 double as a bottle opener and conversation piece at space parties, he's also secure enough in his masculinity to carry a man purse. Cheers.
|
|
|
| |
| Yoda was almost a monkey! |
| 09.21.04 (8:56 am) [edit] |
Got this from CNN today...in light of the new Star Wars trilogy DVD release out today, thought it was interesting..
[b]Monkeying with Yoda[/b]
Filmmakers thought making Yoda a puppet was ridiculous -- until they tried other ideas.
"In the beginning, we didn't know what Yoda should look like," Kershner said. "One of the thoughts was that he'd be 9-feet tall with a huge mosaic beard and would look like Michelangelo's Moses, imposing. After all, he's 800-years-old and he knows everything and he has great powers. ... It seemed like a cliche."
Instead they decided to make Yoda very tiny and modest in nature. But how to do it?
"I asked that it could look like it ate, that it could climb," he said.
A puppet seemed ridiculous. No one had ever tried to pass one off as an actual living creature before, so Kershner looked for other solutions first.
"We thought, 'Maybe if we trained a monkey, in an outfit, and then animated the lips ...?' " Kershner said, his voice rising decades later over the old frustration. "You go crazy, and you try anything!"
Ultimately, the puppet proved to be the wiser choice.
[i](Editors note: There is nothing "crazy" about using a monkey for a movie. Ask Ronald Reagan. Or Burt Reynolds for that matter.)[/i]
|
|
|
| |
| I Love Bees And The Alternate Reality Gaming World |
| 09.20.04 (8:36 pm) [edit] |
Wow. I just clicked on [b]Austennights blog[/b] (see links on the left) and watched an [b]amazing[/b] video. (watch it here to catch up: http://www.tblog.com/template...)
Basically, there is a website called "I love bees" that has lead people on a real life puzzle solving mystery. Somehow this is all tied into the video game halo2, but it is a genius marketing strategy to say the least. This is amazing. Here is the site that the video talks about: http://www.ilovebees.com/
And to learn more about the amazing world of alternate reality gaming, go here: http://www.argn.com/
Austennight, you the man for finding this!
|
|
|
| |
| Propaganda Photoshopped |
| 09.20.04 (8:14 pm) [edit] |
Some of these are great:
http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contest cache.asp?contest_id=3503&start =1&end=10&display=photosh op#entries" title="http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contest cache.asp?contest_id=3503&start =1&end=10&display=photosh op#entries" target="_blank"http://www.worth1000.com/cach...
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.20.04 (7:40 pm) [edit] |
If you could take a snapshot of the inside of my brain, this is what you might see.
|
|
|
| |
| Pac-Mondrian |
| 09.19.04 (1:42 pm) [edit] |
So cool. Play a version of Pac Man inside Piet Mondrian's Modernist masterpiece 'Broadway Boogie Woogie'. Check out the site here, and you can play the game here too..http://pbfbca.prizebudgetforb...
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.18.04 (10:44 am) [edit] |
Oh my sweet Jesus. If you've seen the Godfather, then you've gotta love this. The guys at Kropserkel.com have invented this Horsehead bed pillow and you can go and buy one for your friend or loved one and scare the shit out of them! Buy it here, and while you're at it, get me one too:
http://kropserkel.com/godfather.htm" title="http://kropserkel.com/godfather.htm" target="_blank"http://kropserkel.com/godfath...
|
|
|
| |
| My fucking car got stolen |
| 09.18.04 (10:13 am) [edit] |
Or should I say "the car formerly known as my car". I left it in Brooklyn last weekend, and when I went to get it this week, it was gone. After calling around all the tow lots and city agencies I decided to call the cops. I don't know why I even bother. It is probably on a big steamship to Guam diced up in little cubes. I should have figured, Hondas get boosted all the time. It got stolen in Boston right out of my driveway in broad daylight a few years back. Shit happens, I guess...I just wish my parents weren't so pissed..but who can blame them? The cops were really nice, and I got a ride in the back of the squad car and was not in trouble, which was slightly surreal. them I got to go to the station, and hang out with all the cops in their policeman lair..what a trip. Well hopefully my parents will forgive me and get over it...Anyway, hope everyone has a good weekend, and keep an eye out for my ride! ;)
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.15.04 (7:12 pm) [edit] |
This is a picture from a show called the ghostbusters that was on TV many many moons ago. I'd pay top dollar to get my hands on some footage..outstanding.
|
|
|
| |
| Big Fucking Wave! |
| 09.14.04 (8:06 pm) [edit] |
This guy surfs the biggest fucking wave I've ever seen. It's like Jerry Bruckenheimer Apocalypse movie big. Watch this nutbag surf on the edge of death!
http://pya.cc/pyaimg/img3/2004091114 .wmv" title="http://pya.cc/pyaimg/img3/2004091114 .wmv" target="_blank"http://pya.cc/pyaimg/img3/200...
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.14.04 (7:26 pm) [edit] |
Dr. Zaius, King of Vegas!
|
|
|
| |
| Gi Joe is a fake!!!! |
| 09.14.04 (5:19 pm) [edit] |
This made me laugh..whoever wrote this knew his GI Joe...I want those Swift Boat bastards to read this and feel stupid about themselves...
[b]G.I. Joe is a fake[/b]
Veterans group says military hero lied about his record; claims evil villains escaped his clutches during war against Cobra.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Dan Kois
Aug. 14, 2004 | WASHINGTON -- As G.I. Joe, the leader of America's daring, highly trained special missions force, celebrates his 40th anniversary this summer, a group of veterans has aired television advertisements attacking his military record. The ads, purchased by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, accuse Joe of lying about his war record and letting villains escape throughout the 1985-86 war against Cobra, Destro and the forces of evil.
In one 60-second ad, veterans of the two-year-long, completely televised war -- in which every weekday afternoon American troops fought Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world -- speak out about G.I. Joe. "I served with G.I. Joe," says one veteran, Thomas Ross. "G.I. Joe is no real American hero."
In interviews yesterday arranged by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, a nonprofit arm of a little-known think tank called Serpentine Enterprises, the veterans -- low-level G.I. Joe foot soldiers, all code-named "grunts" -- were unanimous in describing Joe as an incompetent leader unfit for command and not worthy of honor. Ross, a blue laser gunner 1st class, described the ordeal he was put through during the celebrated incident in which the entire male leadership of the Joe team was hypnotized by the Baroness and her Conch of the Sirens.
"Our entire platoon was ordered to attack Cobra base just to free all these addlepated G.I. Joes," Ross said. "We risked our lives to save the Joes -- not the other way around." During the pitched battle, Ross disarmed and captured three Cobra soldiers by shooting a nearby tree with his blue laser gun, causing the tree to fall on the enemy, trapping them. "I was dodging red lasers left and right," Ross added. "G.I. Joe said he'll fight for freedom wherever there's trouble. That was a lie."
Another veteran, G.I. Joe Air Combat pilot Matthew Albers, noted that his squad was called in as air support when G.I. Joe allowed Cobra to take over Fort Knox. "This Zartan fellow disguised himself as the general in charge of the fort," Albers said, "and G.I. Joe was completely fooled. We had to scramble a dozen planes to attack a United States Army base, just because Joe couldn't see through a dime-store mask."
Albers' F-14 was shot down by a Cobra red laser cannon; the pilot and co-pilot had only seconds to eject and parachute to safety before the plane exploded. "Luckily," said Albers, "we escaped with only minor injuries."
His eyes misted up as he recalled the carnage that terrible day. "Eleven American soldiers suffered minor injuries at Fort Knox," he said. "Was it worth it?"
After G.I. Joe retook Fort Knox, Albers added, every major Cobra officer escaped, including Zartan, Buzzer, Maj. Bludd, and Cobra Commander. "Didn't catch a one. We heard them cursing Joe's name, but they drove away in a Hiss tank. Is that never giving up or staying till the fight's won?" he asked. "No, it isn't."
In a press conference today, the public faces of G.I. Joe -- Hawk, Lady Jaye, Flint and Sgt. Slaughter -- assembled outside G.I. Joe headquarters. They were flanked by much of the Joe team, including the mysterious ninja Snake Eyes, silent and brooding, and the Native American tracker Spirit, feeding mice to his eagle Freedom in a dignified manner. (Joe himself resides in seclusion; the few glimpses the public has been offered suggest he is a giant of a man, up to four times as tall as the rest of his soldiers.)
"None of the grunts were present for G.I. Joe organizational meetings," Flint said. "We're grateful to them for all they've done for our country, but they simply don't understand the tough choices G.I. Joe has had to make to keep America safe over the past 40 years. He kept Cobra Commander from carving his face on the moon with a giant laser. He shut down Destro's Texas dude ranch. He stopped the Crimson Guard from replacing all the world's money with Cobra currency. G.I. Joe was there."
Asked about the number of times G.I. Joe let major international terrorists escape, Flint scoffed. "Let them escape? No way. These guys have escape plans, jet packs, submarines constantly at the ready. We're just trying to foil their plans while keeping all our men safe. That's why the 1985-86 Cobra war was the only war ever fought by U.S. troops in which no American or enemy soldiers died."
Flint stepped back as Sgt. Slaughter took the microphone, shouting that two of the veterans in the TV ad bought by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth were obviously Crimson Commander twins Tomax and Xamot in disguise. Lady Jaye came to the microphone and gently dismissed Slaughter's accusation. "We are, however, worried that the ads might be secretly funded by Cobra," Jaye added. "You reporters should remember that politically motivated advertisements aren't always what they seem. Often, back in the shadows, the people pulling the strings might not be interested in telling the truth."
The reporters at the press conference, surprised, smiled and clapped each other on the back. "Now we know," said Rick Atkinson, a correspondent for the Washington Post.
"And knowing," said Lady Jaye, "is half the battle."
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.12.04 (3:03 pm) [edit] |
Welcome to my Nightmare.
|
|
|
| |
| Its a hard knock life for the monkeys |
| 09.12.04 (2:36 pm) [edit] |
[b]Doing hard time in monkey jail[/b]
Thieves, vandals and biters deemed a menace to society that forbids killing them get life sentences in India's Alcatraz for primates
By Kim Barker
Tribune foreign correspondent
Published September 12, 2004
PATIALA, India -- The thief threatened children with bricks and ripped the buttons off shirts. He stole tomatoes from one home and snatched bread from another. Down the street, he briefly fled with a differential equations book and beat a calculator with his fist.
He was one bad monkey. And last week he was sentenced to life in prison for his crimes, inmate No. 13 at the country's only known monkey jail, where very bad monkeys are sent to live out their remaining years.
"He used to eat our guavas," said Bhagwanti Devi, a neighbor who was harassed by the monkey. "He would throw stones and try to hit us. Until we gave him flat bread, he wouldn't leave."
This jail is Punjab state's answer to the monkey menace in India, where killing monkeys is forbidden. Hindus consider monkeys sacred, living representatives of the monkey god Hanuman. Thousands of temples are dedicated to Hanuman, and many people feed monkeys in the hopes of divine rewards.
Monkeys have invaded government ministries in New Delhi, ridden elevators and climbed along windowsills. Monkeys slapped students inside a girls school in a south Bengal suburb. A gang of monkeys in the city of Chandigarh ripped up lawns, broke flowerpots and yanked sheets off beds.
Some monkeys, mostly loners, have bitten people, injuring and even killing small children.
"Monkeys are very furious," said Ujagar Singh, the Patiala district spokesman. "They are dangerous animals."
Officials have tried many tactics to fight the monkeys, mostly of the pink-faced rhesus variety. They have told people to stop feeding the animals. They have given monkeys an herbal contraceptive mixed in with cashew nuts. Hundreds of troublesome monkeys have been sent to wildlife sanctuaries. Last fall, the Supreme Court even decreed that New Delhi should be monkey-free.
But nothing has really worked, not the court order, not loud music, not patrols of government buildings by leashed larger primates called langurs. Every few months, news of a fresh monkey panic is reported somewhere in India. Occasionally, people get fed up. Late last month, 59 dead monkeys were found, dumped in sacks along the road in Haryana state.
[b]`Notorious' inmates[/b]
The monkey jail in Patiala, about 125 miles north of New Delhi in Punjab state, is in a corner of the zoo called Deer Park of Motibagh forest. In this vast country, someone else might have opened a monkey jail, but if so, officials do not know about it.
The Patiala jail is more like a single cell, about 15 feet wide, 15 feet deep and 12 feet high, with bars, chain-link fencing and wire mesh. A sign in front says: "These monkeys have been caught from various cities of Punjab. They are notorious. Going near them is dangerous."
None of these monkeys killed anyone. They're all basically thieves and pests. The first inmate was arrested in 1996, in the village of Sanam, after biting people as they shopped in a vegetable market.
Other monkeys stole clothes from nursing students and purses from women in an education administration office. One monkey stalked a housing complex in the Jalandhar district, stealing kids' lunchboxes and opening water tanks, where he drank the water, bathed and defecated. Two monkeys were picked up from the chief minister's house, basically for loitering.
"It only takes one monkey," said P.C. Atalia, the divisional wildlife officer in the Patiala district. "The rumors spread from one house to another, and soon there's a panic. The way the rumors heat up, you stop your kids from going to school, you lock all your doors."
The monkeys are captured with trapping cages and tranquilizer guns. Once put in jail, they are not given names. Instead, jailers refer to them by where they were caught: Sanam Monkey or Jalandhar Monkey.
"They are so notorious, why should we give them a name?" Atalia said.
"They don't listen anyway," added Surinder Singh, who is in charge of the Motibagh zoo.
There's no chance of parole for the monkeys, officials said. If any were released, there would be too much negative publicity, not to mention the possibility of mass hysteria.
The jail is dark. It smells rank, like concentrated monkey. The walls are stained, and the floor is covered with peanut shells and black peas. Ten monkeys live here now, the three newer ones still in isolation cages. Some monkeys sit slumped against the wall, occasionally picking up a peanut. Others pace. Urban State College Monkey stares at the ground. Mohali Monkey jumps from the floor to a high ledge in the back of the room, the only entertainment available.
Sanam Monkey, locked up now for 8 years, grabs the cell bars and occasionally grunts.
[b]
`Can't just jail them'[/b]
This place angers people such as Maneka Gandhi, an animal-rights activist who is also the daughter-in-law of former Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi.
She said monkeys can be rehabilitated, taught in sanctuaries to live in groups and eventually released into the forest.
"You can't treat them in the same way as humans, as bad and good," she said. "You can't just jail them."
The newest inmate at Patiala, trapped in a cage on Monday, is called Ayurvedic College Monkey, named after the healing-arts school near where it was captured.
On Tuesday, a local newspaper ran a photograph of the monkey, crouching in front of his captors. The caption proclaimed: "Team of forest and wildlife officials catching a hold of a terrorist monkey."
On Wednesday, Ayurvedic College Monkey sat in his isolation cell, baring his few teeth and threatening to throw a bucket of water on anyone who came near.
In the neighborhood where he once roamed, people remembered him with a mixture of fear and fondness. Sure, he threatened the children with bricks, but he also was cute, people said. He was older, missing most of his teeth. His partner, who escaped, was the really scary monkey, they said.
At Baljeet Kaur's house, when the monkey demanded food, it was given cut apples and peeled bananas. Kaur, once bitten by a monkey, said she was happy this monkey was gone. But she also said she had no idea that it would spend its life behind bars.
"They told us they would keep him in the forest, with the other monkeys," she said. "They didn't tell us they would keep him in jail."
|
|
|
| |
| Picture Of The Day |
| 09.10.04 (1:20 pm) [edit] |
Friday!!!!!
|
|
|
| |
| Back in time for the weekend |
| 09.10.04 (11:59 am) [edit] |
Greetings people. I am home. After uneventful flights from the heatland, I stepped outside and breathed in that unmistakable New York City air. Before I got my bag I was accosted for gypsy cabs 4 times, and heard spanish, greek,and a few wild card languages before a nice old man named Milo drove me home.Its good to be back in the world of police sirens, power lunches, and high speed everything. Including internet. Using dial up made me feel like I was on the TV show Survivor. I am taken back by how much I depend on technology to live comfortably. Thank god New York is standing after Bush and his demonic hordes rolled through.It really was nice to take a break from the hustle..but its also great to be back. Well its time to enjoy the weekend before I return to the grind. Happy Friday everyone...
|
|
|
| |
| Sex and nicotine are powerful things |
| 09.05.04 (9:16 pm) [edit] |
[b]Sexually frustrated chimp takes up smoking[/b]
Sun Aug 29, 7:47 AM ET
BEIJING (Reuters) - Sexual frustration has turned a Chinese chimpanzee from a mild-mannered simian into a problem primate who smokes cigarettes and spits at visitors, the Xinhua news agency says.
Feili, a female chimp in the city of Zhengzhou in the central province of Henan, picked up her nasty habits by imitating visitors who behaved "improperly" around her, Xinhua quoted zoo director Liu Bing as saying on Sunday.
But, Liu said, the root cause of Feili's transformation from a "gentle girl" into a "shrew" lay with the inability to find her a satisfactory mate.
A male chimpanzee at the zoo has failed to live up to Feili's sexual demands, and she has snubbed other potential suitors.
Zoo officials said Feili was not addicted to nicotine, but the chimp has also demonstrated clever -- if not desperate -- behaviour to score a smoke.
"The chimp is spitting at tourists and smoking," Xinhua quoted a boy visiting the zoo. "Just now a tourist threw a cigarette butt to just outside the cage, she tried to get the butt with a stick."
|
|
|
| |
| I like big blogs and I cannot lie |
| 09.04.04 (6:08 pm) [edit] |
Well I'm on vacation. I am "roughing it" out in the heartland of this great country of ours. Well yours, I'm not a citizen dammit, but soon I will be. Well probably not soon, I have to fill out forms and take a test, so it might be a long time. Best part of vacation: Complete lack of thinking. Feels good to not have to think. My natural state is not thinking, so I am totally relaxed. Wake up, eat, watch tv, swear, look at stuff, think about robots and/or apes and/or Ernest Borgnine, talk about things, look outside, go outside, drive to get stuff, go home, watch Tom brokaw, and eat then sleep again. No thinking needed at all. In fact, my brain is tingling just typing this, i've had it in sleep mode since I've been home. Its nice to be able to hang out with the rents, and my crazy stupid dogs. My parents have a wicked old slow computer, so I decided to take a break from the blog for a few. Its been nice. I showed my Mom this blog and she looked at me like a retarded kid who painted a picture. "Thats nice, good for you" she said. I watched the RNC and swore so much my folks think I am a terrorist in training. I told them all New Yorkers are terrorists, and to stay away from the forbidden island of Manhattan. My father is obsessed with Huricanne Frances. He's been watching the weather channel alot. I think they use androids on that channel. Really I do. Its great to have gotten away from the big apple. I am in full detox mode. I just did a 2 day water fast, and boy was that hard. I don't know how all those health nuts do it. I had dreams about being at a chinese buffet the first night. It is not hard for me to say that General Tso is the greastest general of our time. Saw some flicks. Napoleon Dynamite: Fucking awesome. Bourne Supremacy: Super awesome. And some others but my head hurts trying to remember stuff. Its great to see people have been leaving comments and visiting. I thank you, and plan on replying when I can convince this computer to stop being such a jerk. You make this Monkey happy like a Ape with a candy bar. Cheers. Only a few more days left of living off the grid..will be back soon with all new posts. Stay tuned.....In the meantime, here's a pic of Benji the Dog and Zax the robot.
|
|
|
| |
|
Jan2005
Feb2005
Mar2005
Apr2005
May2005
June2005
|
